Don’t shush me!

Someone gave me shit recently for speaking my mind. I suppose maybe they took what I was saying personally. Here’s something I know for sure: if someone says something about you (to you or to anyone else), it doesn’t really say anything about you – it’s actually about what is going on with them. Here’s something else I know for sure: I will never stop sharing my truth. I’m not sorry about my opinions, and I’m not sorry for using my voice. If you don’t like what I say, that’s totally ok; everyone is different! But don’t think for one second that you can demand me to be quiet. I will never intentionally try to hurt someone – including me. I cannot be a version of me that betrays myself while trying to please others. And you shouldn’t be either. Love yourself, live out loud, and let your unique light shine. If people can’t handle your brightness, instead of asking you to dim, they can go out and buy sunglasses.    ...

Remember who you really are, and do what you want

“There’s still time. Close your eyes. Only love will guide you home. Tear down the walls and free your soul.”  -What You Want (Evanescence) I have been doing something lately that I don’t like. I’m not judging myself, just noticing and being accountable. I have been “shoulding” on a lot of people, including me! What is “shoulding” you ask? You know it; you’ve no doubt done it and had it done to you. It looks like this: “My husband ‘should’ change the light bulb like I asked him to do earlier.” “My coworkers ‘should’ spend more time working and less time goofing around.” “That driver ‘shouldn’t’ have cut me off!” “I ‘shouldn’t’ eat that piece of cake because I’m already over my ideal weight.” (Actually, in the last example, I’m guessing you are more than likely calling yourself fat, disgusting or something worse.)< The list of what we think people (including ourselves) should and shouldn’t do is endless.  It’s one of the ways we knock ourselves out of the present moment (and our own reality) and start playing the blaming/shaming game. When we should on ourselves, it takes a huge toll on our self-esteem. When we should on others, we presume that we know how they can best live their lives and that our way of doing things is right. In both cases, we are not taking responsibility for our choices, and in the process, give our power away. “Don’t bullshit yourself about what you should be doing versus what you really want to be doing.” ~Albert Ellis~ Why do we should on ourselves (and others)? It’s easier to...

What if we questioned “the truth” and lived a soul guided life?

“Free, like a river raging. Strong, as the wind I’m facing. Chasing dreams and racing father time. Deep, like the grandest canyon. Wild, like an untamed stallion. If you can’t see my heart you must be blind. You can knock me down and watch me bleed, but you can’t keep no chains on me. I was born free!” -Born Free (Kid Rock) I remember very vividly not liking church when I was a child. I might have liked Sunday school, but church itself never thrilled me. I didn’t like sitting there listening to the minister talk, because I found it too boring. I also didn’t enjoy the singing of the choir; the songs sounded so forlorn. And…even at a young age, I had this sense that people were attending a service for one hour on Sunday to make up for all the ‘bad’ stuff they did the rest of the week (like gossiping about others in the community). It never made much sense to me. Yesterday, I went to church for the first time in years (for a baptism). I found it very difficult to listen to the minister because almost everything he spoke about was fear based. He talked about how we can’t allow people to think for themselves or make their own rules because then things would get out of hand and how we must follow the bible because it’s the “absolute truth”. (Never mind that each religious group interprets it a little bit differently.) He then went on to say that they (as a church) weren’t judgemental, although he was condemning those who don’t attend church every...

Hey brilliant girl. You are meant to light up the world!

“Take off all the makeup, girl. Shine your light. Show the world. Don’t be shy. Don’t be scared. You don’t have to hide under there. Let’s throw away all the magazines. Turn off the static on the tv. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.” -Nobody Ever Told You (Carrie Underwood)  I know a lot of really incredibly brilliant women. They are friends, family, and clients. Some of them don’t even know how amazing they are – either because no one ever told them or somewhere along the way they forgot. How does this happen?! Well, we have grown up in a society that constantly worries what other people think, we live in either the past or the future, and we tend to make our decisions based on fear instead of love. The result ends up being conversations which don’t actually communicate what we’re meaning to say. Let me give you an example (between a parent and child): A parent says to their daughter: “Why don’t you try being more like your sister? She’s popular and happy.” The parent thinks they are encouraging their child to follow a behaviour that will bring them more friends (and therefore happiness). What does the child hear? “I’m not good enough or loveable the way I am. It’s not ok to be me.” The child feels misunderstood and like an outcast in their own family which makes it very difficult to believe that anyone else in the world would find them worthy of love. What the parent actually wanted to do was protect their child from disappointment and hurt, but because...

How not being right can make you really happy

“So let’s leave it alone, ’cause we can’t see eye to eye. There ain’t no good guys, there ain’t no bad guys. There’s only you and me, and we just disagree.” -We Just Disagree (Dave Mason) Have you ever had a really awkward, uncomfortable conversation with someone – the kind where they confront you over something you said? Where you felt like they misinterpreted what you meant? Or where you felt like you needed to defend your character because your thoughts on a topic differed? Well, it’s happened to me twice within the last week or so. One was in person, and the other was via the internet. Both situations made me realize how much I have changed (in a good way). When I was younger, I was extremely argumentative. I loved to voice my opinion, I loved to have the last word, and I loved to be right. When someone said something which I knew was incorrect, I felt obligated to point out their mistake. I didn’t care if I made people look stupid or feel bad. I wanted to prove how smart I was – how much I knew about the world. For me, having knowledge made me feel good about myself – like I had something  to offer. “I realized that I could be right or I could be free.” ~Byron Katie~ In my early 30’s, I started piecing together why I did what I did. I came to know that my behaviour was caused by a lack of self-confidence. I had based my self-worth on whether other people thought I was smart. Because I didn’t...

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