Let’s talk about shame – that dirty five letter word.

“Tell me – did I go on a tangent? Did I lie through my teeth? Did I cause you to stumble on your feet? Did I bring shame on my family? Did it show when I was weak? Whatever you see, that wasn’t me. That wasn’t me, that wasn’t me.  -That Wasn’t Me (Brandi Carlile) I recently read Brene Brown’s book “The Gift of Imperfections”. I spoke about perfection in an earlier blog, but I had never thought about it in relation to shame – until I read this book. (Ironically (or not), Brene used the exact same quote in her book when talking about perfectionism as I did in my blog on it.) Brene defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” She expands on this by saying: “Shame keeps worthiness away by convincing us that owning our stories will lead to people thinking less of us. Shame is all about fear. We’re afraid that people won’t like us if they know the truth about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, how much we’re struggling, or, believe it or not, how wonderful we are when soaring (sometimes it’s just as hard to own our strengths as our struggles). This is why shame loves perfectionists – it’s so easy to keep us quiet.” “For women, shame is: do it all, do it perfectly, and never let them see you sweat. It’s this web of unattainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be. For men, shame is one thing: do not be perceived as...

Forget perfection; be yourself, and discover true joy.

“Made a wrong turn, once or twice. Dug my way out, blood and fire. Bad decisions, that’s alright. Welcome to my silly life.” -Fuckin’ Perfect (P!nk) I have been working on my website for months with little progress. I was really stuck on what I wanted to say about myself. Why? Good question! I think part of the hesitation was in wanting it to be “perfect” – i.e. to describe me, to feel like me, to portray who I am, etc.  And then I thought to myself – of course it’s perfect – whatever I write about me, my coaching, and my life is perfect. After all, who knows me better than ME?! (This didn’t stop me from re-wording it MANY times.) I think those of us with perfectionist tendencies sometimes worry so much about making the “right” decision that we often paralyze ourselves. All we really need to do is listen to our instincts, make a choice and then accept the consequences. What’s the worst thing that can happen? We don’t like our decision, and we then make a change. We’re going to make a lot of “mistakes”. So what? It’s all just learning. All of our experiences in life are here to teach us something – to show us what we didn’t know before. Stop waiting for “it” to be perfect. You have everything you need right now. I spent a lot of time in my life trying to be “perfect”. For example, as a teenager it was even very important to me that I style my hair perfectly (I would spend 2 hours and a can of hairspray trying...

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