So… for those of you who don’t know me personally… if there’s a mistake to be made or witnessed in a relationship, I’ve probably done or seen it. Everyone comes to Earth to learn lessons, and mine have often centered around romantic relationships. I feel it’s my duty to share what I’ve learned.
First and foremost, as the title suggests, relationships are not here to make us happy! People get into relationships thinking they’ve finally found ‘the one’ (there is no ‘one’ but I’ll get into that later!) and that their life can now really begin… or be more fabulous… or they’ll live happily ever after. This can happen, but it won’t be because of the relationship – it’ll be because of you and your partner… how you show up, how you communicate with each other, how happy you were without them, etc. What your relationship will do is bring up all your shit that needs to be healed! Hence why our partners aren’t here to make us happy; they are here to help us grow. Lean in! If you can navigate your spiritual growth with your partner, life will be very good!
Next on the list is: you MUST up your game!!! This means doing your inner work (not figuring out how to be a player). You want a partner who gives you their best and so you must be willing to do the same in return. Plain and simple. Don’t put expectations on someone that you aren’t willing to tackle yourself. And don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader or a magic maker. Take responsibility for who you are, what you do, and the things you say. Be the best version of you, and you’ll attract the same!
If the person you are dating is insecure, shit’s gonna get real very fast! There is no easy way to be with someone who lacks in confidence. It turns into jealousy, neediness, tantrums, manipulation… i.e. nothing good. You cannot live life on egg shells with a person who constantly feels the need to knock you down a peg so that they can feel better about themselves. Suggest they get help – counselling, therapy, life coaching – whatever. Then run. Far and fast. Never let another person dim your shine.
Set some friggin’ boundaries, and stick to them!! (Aka… Know what is a deal breaker for you, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.) Don’t want a smoker? Not looking for a one night stand? Want someone who knows how to pick up the phone and call versus just texting you? Had enough of guys who want to send you inappropriate pictures? (How on God’s green Earth did that trend even start and become a thing that people do?!) Tired of men who chat and then ‘ghost’ you? (Also, why is this a thing?) Need someone who isn’t looking for a second mama? Heard all the excuses in the book already? Does he says his relationship ‘is complicated’ (i.e. he’s married and this means he is never going to commit to you, and you are never going to be treated the way you deserve)? If a guy isn’t what you want, love yourself enough to walk away! There are plenty of fish in the sea!
This brings me back to ‘the one’. There is no ONE person for you. There are billions of people on the planet. There are plenty of ‘ones’. If there is one who you think ‘got away’, trust me if it’s meant to be, it will come back around. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. That is all. Move along. Life is too short to be wasting it on regrets, and people who aren’t invested in you.
Let go of the stuff from your past relationship (s). Figure out what went wrong in those and also what went right/what was good. Keep the lessons, and leave the rest. No one wants to hear someone complain about their ex. The past is just that; it’s time to create your future.
Trust yourself. If you get the feeling that something is wrong, you are likely right. We have intuition for a reason! Heed the red flags – leave before the whispers become screams, and you are in a position of fearing for your life.
Don’t date someone just because you think they are super hot. If you want the relationship to last for the long run, you’ve got to like the person for more than just their looks. Yes, there has to be some level of attraction, but as my friend Allan said years ago “She can be the hottest girl, but if you can’t stand to be in the same room with her, there’s no point. It’s not going to work.” Find someone you can also have a conversation and laugh with.
Don ‘t get into a relationship or involved with someone just because you don’t want to be alone. This is when you are most likely to settle. Use your alone time to figure out who your ideal partner is and then go find them!
Don’t close yourself off from love because of a few bad relationships. Have hope. Be open. Drop your fears. Allow yourself be seen. Let love in. Despite the past, the feelings of vulnerability, and the unknown, it’s worth the risk.