I always say that the reason nuns and monks are so peaceful and blissed out is that they have no one up in their face on the daily stirring up their shit! (Imagine for a moment what your life might look like if you could just spend your days chanting and reading prayers – or if it were me, hiking through the woods, sitting at the beach, listening to music and doing yoga.)
However, that’s not the life most of us signed up for. We signed up to be in relationships with others so that ultimately we could learn and grow emotionally and spiritually.
But, dang – it’s hard sometimes!
You could look at any relationship you’ve had (and I’m not talking just romantic partnerships) – this could be a friendship, marriage, between siblings, with your parents, on a sports team, etc., and I imagine at some point at least one of these people has triggered you.
Maybe someone said something you didn’t agree with or they have a different way of doing things than you do, and it drives you crazy! It may even make you feel sad or insecure.
No matter the feeling, I can guarantee you, if it’s happening, it’s meant to be teaching you.
The best thing you can do in any relationship is to not make assumptions. The mind will try to convince you that you know the answers – that you know how someone else feels and what they are thinking. But you must ask – and listen – to what the other person says.
When you get triggered by someone, you have a choice about how to respond. You can retaliate (which usually leads to feelings of regret). Or you can go within and ask yourself what action would feel best.
This might mean speaking up for yourself (honestly and assertively but not aggressively). It might mean agreeing to disagree. It might also mean sending love and good vibes to the other person. (Remember we don’t know what battles they are fighting, and kindness always rules.)
What it for sure means is not to take what someone says or does personally. Their behaviour is a reflection of them – not you. Don’t take the baggage they’ve been carrying around for years and make it your own.
I see this a lot in my clients (and in my own experiences throughout life). Someone’s in a bad mood, and we automatically think it’s our fault. Or they are hurting, we think we need to fix things or make them happy.
But their emotions are not ours to own. Anytime you notice yourself drowning in the feeling state of someone else, bring your attention back to yourself. What do you need? Taking care of your own emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well-being is the best thing you can do for everyone.
A healed heart is able to be open. An open heart does not need to be offensive or defensive; it simply (albeit sometimes vulnerably) acts from a place of love. And love conquers all.
So, if you find yourself yearning for better relationships, start with you. Heal you. Love you. Remember, everything is energy. You don’t attract what you want; you attract what you are.
“If you want to be loved, be lovable.” ~Ovid~