In life and love, you get what you give

I always say that the reason nuns and monks are so peaceful and blissed out is that they have no one up in their face on the daily stirring up their shit! (Imagine for a moment what your life might look like if you could just spend your days chanting and reading prayers – or if it were me, hiking through the woods, sitting at the beach, listening to music and doing yoga.) However, that’s not the life most of us signed up for. We signed up to be in relationships with others so that ultimately we could learn and grow emotionally and spiritually. But, dang – it’s hard sometimes! You could look at any relationship you’ve had (and I’m not talking just romantic partnerships) – this could be a friendship, marriage, between siblings, with your parents, on a sports team, etc., and I imagine at some point at least one of these people has triggered you. Maybe someone said something you didn’t agree with or they have a different way of doing things than you do, and it drives you crazy! It may even make you feel sad or insecure. No matter the feeling, I can guarantee you, if it’s happening, it’s meant to be teaching you. The best thing you can do in any relationship is to not make assumptions. The mind will try to convince you that you know the answers – that you know how someone else feels and what they are thinking. But you must ask – and listen – to what the other person says. When you get triggered by someone, you have a choice... read more

What does true love look like?

It’s that time of year…when everyone’s thinking about love! Valentine’s Day is today, and you certainly see evidence of that in stores everywhere. But flowers and candy have little to do with real love. Sure, they are nice to receive as a show of affection – and yet, it often leaves the receiver yearning for something more. I think this something more that we crave is true connection. That connection can be with a spouse, romantic partner, friend, or family, and you’ll know when it happens by how you feel. Last week, I was having a Skype conversation with a couple of coaching friends. We all have busy lives and live in different places, so we make a point of catching up once a month on a video call. It’s a special friendship and a unique bond. We’ve known that for awhile. But last week, it went to a whole new level that none of us saw coming! Being life coaches, we are very supportive of each other- AND we also call each other out on our bs (excuses and such). During our call, one of us (unknowingly) said something that triggered a shameful response in another. The conversation went on…until she had the courage to say “Hey, when you said that, this is how I felt.”, and it was discussed in an open, honest, caring manner. Neither comment was meant to make the other person feel bad, and that was (silently) understood between all of us. The third person said they watched in awe as a space was created for the two to share this dialogue. It was extremely... read more

Judging leaves little room for love.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about judging. Not as in a contest judge, but rather having an opinion about someone or something. I’d say it has been on my mind every day for months now. It seems like there is a tremendous amount of judging that occurs for us as humans. I don’t think this judging really serves us most of the time. When we worry about how others see us for example. Or we have a harsh opinion of someone’s appearance. Or we look down our noses at another person’s so-called ‘bad’ behaviour. And all the times we put ourselves down for mistakes we’ve made. If we were to ask ourselves if this is really how we’d like people to remember us after we are gone, I’m guessing most of us would say no. When we judge others for what they say or do, we can’t actually know why they do or say the things they do. If you believe (as I do) that our souls live many lives and that we come here in each life to learn lessons, it becomes easy to see that we have no way of knowing what lessons that person is here to learn – or what their past lives have been like. What kind of emotional and spiritual baggage have they brought to this life? What else has been added to that this time around? And their choices are really none of our business anyway. As individuals, we probably ought to be more concerned with improving our own lives. (Insert this German proverb: “Sweep in front of your own door.”) I know I... read more

Everything happens in its own time

I think I’ve shared this with you before but maybe not… In university, my friend and I always said “Patience is a virtue.” (Neither one of us – at that time – being particularly patient people.) I have developed more patience over the years. Big life events happened which made me realize I can’t control most situations no matter how much I want to sometimes. I’ve learned that everything happens as it’s supposed to and in the right timing anyway. Take nature for example… I noticed earlier this year that throughout the summer various kinds of flowers pop up in the ditches here in Nova Scotia. In June, we see Lupins. A bit later, there will be Queen Anne’s Lace and the orange Daylily. Right now, it’s little purple Asters. (To name a few of the types we see here.) It’s not the variety of flowers that amazes me (although I do love seeing the different colours). What I find so intriguing is that they just appear out of nowhere – when it’s their time to do so! No stress. No struggle. No thinking: “Here I am a seed stuck in the ground where no one sees me. I want to be a flower – in bloom and admired by people and animals passing by.” Whenever you find yourself not being exactly where you want to be in life, remember it might not be the right time. Practice patience. (If you aren’t sure how to do that, this article might help.) There’s no need to worry; The Universe has got your back! (Besides, worrying is like praying for what you don’t... read more

Anything is possible

On what would have been my brother’s 45th birthday (August 20th, 2016), I went with some family and friends to see a psychic medium. It was a small group session (40 people total), and in true Stephen style, he was the first spirit to come through. The medium had A LOT of messages for us from my brother. One of the best things she said (in my opinion) was “Oh – I just love his personality! He’s one of those guys who just likes to ‘fuckin’ give’r’!” And we really got a laugh out of that because he absolutely was like that. No holds barred. Flat out. Wide open. She also said (without asking his age): “He may not have lived a long life, but he REALLY LIVED  all of his twenty something years”. Indeed, he did. And it got me thinking… Where have I been being complacent lately about my life? (Going through the motions without really being invested in what I want – without even asking myself if the life I’m living is the life I want.) The idea that I have been existing but not really living got me totally fired up! Because that’s not who I want to be or how I want to live. I want to experience as much as possible! “I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find I lived just the length of it. I want to live the width of it as well.” ~Diane Ackerman~ This realization resulted in me booking a spontaneous trip to Maui to take a couple of workshops with Doreen Virtue. I... read more

The answer is always more love.

I’ve been feeling a little inundated with negative information lately, and it drains my energy. A lot of it is in the news. Murders. Racism. Homophobia. The US election. Some of it is on Facebook. Complaints about the way things are. Trash talking of spouses, friends, parents, strangers. Judgment about this or that. Drama, just so much drama. A tiny bit of it is in person (including me to myself). Negative self talk. Whining about not having everything just so. Being impatient. I’ve had enough! “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~Martin Luther King Jr~ Hate will not fix our problems. Neither will judgment, blame or greed. I love this as a guideline for how to react in any circumstance… Before you speak (or act), THINK: Is it TRUE? Is it HELPFUL? Is it INSPIRING? Is it NECESSARY? Is it KIND? And you know what the world really needs? Love. More love. “More love, I can hear our hearts cryin’                                                                                                   More love, I know that’s all we need More love, to flow in between us To take us and hold us and lift us above If there’s ever an answer It’s more love.” -Dixie Chicks Instead of hating, complaining, comparing, blaming, regretting, shaming, or judging, go within, and ask “How... read more

Heal your mind; heal your body.

I want to tell you a story from my life about 4 years ago. It was January 2012, and I was in Maui on vacation with friends. One day I woke up and was in quite a bit of pain. My joints hurt – a lot! My ankles were swollen, and I couldn’t lift my arms high enough to tie my bikini top around my neck. I thought I was having a reaction to come antibiotics I was taking. A few days later when I returned home to Canada, I went to the doctor. They ran all sorts of tests and told me “nothing is wrong with you”. For the next 6 months, I endured terrible pain and inflammation in all of my joints. Some days, it hurt so much to walk (to put pressure on my feet). I tried soaking in Epsom salts. I did acupuncture. I did magnetic therapy. I took tinctures from the Naturopath. I spent thousands of dollars trying to cure myself. Then, in June of 2012, I decided to try hypnotherapy. (The session lasted about an hour and cost me only $125.00.) At one point during the session the hypnotherapist asked me to place anything that I needed to let go of in a trunk (the chest/box kind – not the car kind). My ex-husband immediately flashed into my brain. I felt guilty for hurting him. (We had been separated for 7 years, divorced for 6 years by this point in time. He was living in another country, had re-married and was not thinking about me at all I’m sure! Plus, I must mention that... read more

Keep calm and travel on!

Recently I did one of my very favourite things and went on a trip to Ireland. I’ve been wanting to go there for awhile now and finally made it happen! To say it was magical would be an understatement. It was green and lush, the people were incredible, and the Guinness does actually taste better there! But it’s not even all that stuff which made the trip so special. We had many struggles along the way, and each time, The Universe sent an angel to rescue (help) us. Here are just a few examples: First, we got bumped off the flight to Dublin and had to be routed to Gatwick. I won’t even get into the details of that (confusing, frustrating) experience, except to say we had an extremely helpful agent assist us in getting a flight and checked in to Dublin. #angel When we arrived in Dublin, we knew that my friend’s bag was missing (as it had not arrived in Gatwick). The lady at lost luggage services was very kind and helpful in assisting any way she could. #angel My friend had developed a slight cold/cough prior to the trip. While we were sitting in a bar having a pint one day, the waiter sends his co-worker to the store to buy some honey and makes her a healing hot honey drink. #angel When the bus tickets we bought online wouldn’t scan, and we couldn’t figure out the bus schedule, a driver told us to hop on his bus and that he’d get us where we need to go to make our connection. #angel During the trip, we had been... read more

When there’s good in goodbye

“I regret ever meeting you.” I looked at the text message on my phone and thought ‘Are you fucking kidding me?!’ I couldn’t believe a year and a half later I was even receiving this – never mind the fact that (in my humble opinion) I had been a great girlfriend. My next thought was ‘Trust me – the feeling is mutual!’ I was mad, bewildered, and amused all at once. After a little reflection, I knew I had to dig a bit deeper for a lesson or the good I had learned from the relationship. (Being stuck in regret doesn’t bring about a sense of bliss.) And it came to me…all the things I learned from previous relationships that will help create a better relationship the next time around. Now: I have faith in The Universe’s Divine wisdom and timing. I pay attention to the red flags. I speak up for myself about what does/doesn’t work for me. I set boundaries. I’m not afraid of being rejected for who I am (or who I’m not willing to be). I do not shrink my personality to make someone else feel comfortable. I also do not attempt to expand my personality to impress someone. And, most importantly, I love myself through it... read more

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